I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
