But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
