I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
