last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
