Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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