Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
