I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
