You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
