Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
