He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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