Even the bartender felt bad for me
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm determined to sit on that face.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
where are my eyebrows?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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