Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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