I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
