I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize