So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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