He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
