I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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