mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
