Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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