It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
