I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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