he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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