Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize