i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
