i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
