Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I touched a dick in church today
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
