she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
