your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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