Moan for me like Helen Keller
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
