he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
