i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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