This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
