I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize