I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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