By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
