I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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