So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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