Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize