Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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