Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
