No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
