you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
