A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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