The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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