I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
