The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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