i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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