1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
