If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
