I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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