Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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