farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
