this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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