I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
