Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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