if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
