if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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