I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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