Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
