Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
