i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
