oh god the rape fog is back!
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
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