the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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