I can't breathe out the right side of my face
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
