Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
