Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
