You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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