I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
cat food counts as protein by the way
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
