My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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