I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
