Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
