I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
