If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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