I wish my penis had an off switch
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize