i think i have herpe
just one?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
