dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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